I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
