I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize