Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
