At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
