that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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