My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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