You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
