i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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