My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
