I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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