Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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