Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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