nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
