I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
operation harelip BJ is a go
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
