I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
