can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
