Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
