what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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