Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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