I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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