You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
