i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
