who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He has the fingertips of a God
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
