Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
