I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
