for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
