My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The best revenge is premature balding
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize