I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
