it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
