The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
