...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
