Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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