Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
