drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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