Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
