I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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