just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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