dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
