im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
