I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
