Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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