Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize