This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
