Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
