Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
