i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
