I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
