Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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