Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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