somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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