she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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