You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
