i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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