I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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