her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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