I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
