I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just found puke in my bra..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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