This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
