You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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