I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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