No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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