i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
