What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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