38 yer olds are good kisserssss
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
