shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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